Monday, 20 March 2017

Baby & Me: 12 Weeks

This week has been the hardest in my mothering career so far. At least, as far as I remember. Twelve weeks in, I know all too well by now that each stage is just a phase, it will pass and I won't even remember what all the fuss was about. But when you're in it, when the crying Just. Won't. Stop. And anything that you do only distracts them momentarily from their anguish, it's tough. Like, really tough.

She had her jabs, round two on Tuesday. She is still miserable. There are flickers of the old G between the screams giving me light at the end of the tunnel but not knowing what's causing her so much distress, and not being able to do a thing about it is heartbreaking. The pained cries actually started on Monday. She woke up with a dry nappy ten hours after it went on (that's not to say she slept through, just that was the first time I checked the nappy), I worried a little but after her first feed she filled it to the brim so I didn't give it much more thought. I went to my friend's house that day and I spent much of the time saying 'she's not normally like this'. She screamed and screamed as if someone was sticking pins in her, occasionally she stopped, a change of personel helped, a walk sent her to sleep but she was soon awake again, pulling her legs up to her ears and making helpless little loud sounds. The next day she actually did have someone sticking pins in her. The 12 week jabs. She cried, as you would, but soon stopped and off we went to baby massage. She didn't really complain, but she didn't smile either. She slept a little on the way home but as soon as we arrived she screamed and she screamed and she screamed. Occasionally she would bring up a little sick. My parents came to dinner, she eventually went to sleep in my Dad's arms and we put her down long enough to eat. The next day I took her to the doctors, three days with barely a smile and a scream that could be heard for miles was too much to bear. I found myself feeling for people that lived in flats or houses with thin walls, at least all I had to worry about was her, not what the neighbours would think. Thursday morning started the same way so off we trotted to the doctor, she screamed in the waiting room for a full twenty minutes. I jiggled and I joggled and she'd quieten for a while, she fell asleep just before we went in to the doctor's office. I put her on the bench and removed her babygro. She woke up and she smiled, and she giggled and she babbled. The doctor said 'well she looks fine to me'. She looked fine to me now too. I tried to explain the screaming in pain and the legs up by the ears and the sick but little miss giggles was not convincing the doctor. Off we went towards home, the screaming began and continued for an hour and a half. I called my Mum in near tears and she came to the rescue. Not that she had any answers but sharing the screaming between two is easier, and I was busting for the loo. I went to the chemist and bought Gripe Water. This did not help. The next day we persevered with baby group, she chilled in the sensory room for a while but the screaming soon began. On the way home we went back to the docs and we settled on trying Infant Gaviscon. Perhaps it's reflux, she said. Perhaps. The weekend has passed, real adult poos have been painfully passed (because of the Gaviscon) and she doesn't seem all that better, but there's always hope. Hope that after the next nap she'll wake up her old self. Occasionally between the pain you get a little gummy smile and your heart melts. Maybe after this next nap/poo/feed she'll be better.

I'm coping because I have a lot of help. Tom takes over when he gets home from work (apart from the ol' breastfeeding), my mum is always on hand too but it's hard emotionally when you can't do anything for them. I've cried with her most days, felt empty and helpless. I've started to question whether she's allergic to something in my milk but after twelve weeks and a hard time cracking breastfeeding I wonder what has changed. I don't want to rush her growing up but I'm all too ready for this phase to pass!

If anyone has any ideas they'd be all too welcome in the comments below! 



  1. Have you followed @thismamalife on Instagram. Her baby boy had similar symptoms and had silent reflux. Hope this helps. Xxx

  2. Hey :)

    Sounds a lot like my 16 week old wee dude, all the solidarity to you it is fully insane!

    We had a lot of weeks like this and I took him to the chiropractors at 9 weeks who diagnosed tongue tie, umbiical hernia and restricted movement due to (joyful) forceps delivery.
    Doc also thought silent reflux. Gaviscon made our situation even worse (cos of the constipation) but ranitidine saved us in the first instance - maybe this could help? Also giving Gaviscon when breastfeeding is a special kind of torture...

    I would highly recommend chiro/cranial osteopathy, double check for tongue tie (we had to battle to breastfeed and his wind was ridiculous) and may the force be with you!
    And you're right, everything changes with every week, here's to not remembering these particular details soon ;)

    Eleanor & Ted xx

    1. Thanks for taking the time to comment, I just realised my reply didn't upload last time. Your suggestion was the answer! Ranitidine is a miracle worker. I'll look into the osteo too but for now she seems much better! x


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